We’ve known each other for so long we call each other friends. But really, most of the time, you annoy me. When you call I don’t answer, preferring to call back when it suits me. We do catch up occasionally, but meeting with you doesn’t get me excited. It’s more of a duty, that’s why it’s a pretend friendship. We don’t share a friendship, we share history, and there’s a big difference.
We used to hang out a long time ago but we don’t anymore. We bump into each other on the street once in a while, ‘we must catch up’, you say. I agree, but even as I do so, I know we won’t. That’s what well mannered civilised people do – pretend to want to have coffee, or dinner, all the while knowing it will never happen, and I will never see you again, (until the next time we meet unexpectedly and offer to do another pretend get-together).
Because I like the idea of loyalty, I often pretend to be. But I am not a loyal person by nature. Besides which, loyalty must be earned and tested. Therefore most loyalty is just pretend.
Pretend to tell you the Truth
You’ve asked me a question and stated you want to hear the truth. We are friends (real friends not the pretend kind) and there is an expectation of truth telling. But I don’t tell you the truth. I tell you what I think you want to hear. Or, I tell you what I think you need to hear. I swear it’s the truth, but it’s not really, it’s pretend.
Pretending to want the Truth
I’ve asked what you think. But I don’t really want to know, unless it falls in line with what I want to hear. So even though I’ve asked for your opinion – I’m only pretending to want the truth. I’d prefer you are kind. I’d prefer you are supportive. I’m happy for you to be a friend who pretends.
You are my boss, my parent, my Pastor, and I am in technically submission to you. I agree that it’s ok to defer to your wishes, outwardly at least. But on the inside, I don’t really respect you at all. There are too many gaps in your morals and conduct for true submission. I can only defer to people I respect, and that takes time. So to everyone else, I just pretend.
Trust is important and everyone expects it to some degree. We all say we trust things that we don’t. We all pretend. Just saying, ‘I trust you’, is usually a lie, it’s usually pretend. Because if you’ve been asked that question, and if you had to answer it – then most likely there is no true trust, but pretending keeps the peace.
Pretending to Myself
I tell myself lots of things I know I won’t follow through on. Usually late at night is when I pretend the most. For instance, I’ll set my alarm and get up at 6 to go for a run. Or, I won’t go back to that unhealthy habit, person or place. I pretend because part of me is hopeful it just might stick. I pretend because it makes me feel good. I pretend because it’s easier than actually doing it.